How I Defied Gravity

embracing impermanence✨

Beautiful human, thank you for reading this Permission Slip. It’s an invitation into self-inquiry and an offering to question your beliefs and judgments and wake up to your authentic truth.

Permission Slip : I give myself permission to embrace impermanence✨

Everything in the universe is changing, constantly. Why should I care as I sit here scrolling through Substack sipping my matcha latte, you might ask? Here’s why : because when we resist this truth of change, we create suffering for ourselves. I’ll take the leap and assume that you don’t want to suffer (neither do I!).😊So let’s explore…

How cool is this : In the 1920s, the American astronomer Edwin Hubble’s work took the world beyond the milky way and placed us in an ever-expanding universe. He discovered that that there is continuous energy flow, particle movement, and nothing, no-thing, in this universe, remains static. In other words, everything in this physical reality is impermanent and ever-changing. But before I lose you in boring physics principles, let me show you why this is so impactful in our day-to-day, matcha-drinking, dog walking, human-ing lives.

My Story✨

As an immigrant daughter of immigrant parents who wanted nothing else than to make it in America, I was fed a steady diet of the American Dream. My parents didn’t know otherwise so they chased success using the existing cultural paradigm to guide our family. I fattened up on a strict diet of : consumerism, materialism, individualism, egocentrism, competition, overwork, and other ideals of success. If only I would follow this invisible script of ideals, work hard, have stuff, then, and only then, would I be happy.

So I did all the things we’re told are the right things - I created a successful career as a surgeon, got accolades, made money, got a husband, popped out five kids, wrapped it all up in a big house and a white picket fence and believed that when I had all the stuff I would reach a state of happiness. But as we GenX-ers used to say - NOT! 🤣

Any of us who’ve lived long enough can take an honest look at their lives and see that it doesn’t work this way. The stuff doesn’t bring happiness. It offered only transient moments of enjoyment. Where was the elusive happiness promised to me by the American Dream?

I wanted the happiness that didn’t disappear. The happiness in the shape of freedom, peace, contentment, and a deeper knowing.

This seeking is how I entered my spiritual journey 16+ years ago and learned of impermanence. Of course, I’m giving you the short version of my path and you’ll need to wait for the memoir (still writing it) to get the full shpiel of the story - lots of tears, plenty of mucus running down my nose, and an unrecognizable deep ache that awoke within my soul. But let’s get back to the here and now…

My favorite song from Wicked is Defying Gravity. I saw the movie as soon as it came out last month and watched it on Broadway with my kids three time. I crank it 🎶loudly in my car, windows down, other drivers staring at me, as I shout into the ether :

“I am defying gravity, oh yes I am… defying gravity.. and you can’t pull me down”🎶

As I sing this song (almost daily) I know the deeper truth : the only way to defy gravity and reach a state of freedom and equanimity is to liberate myself inside of my own mind. And there’s no wickedness involved 🤣. It does, however, involve swallowing the hard pill that the American Dream is dead and the illusion we held that the stuff will make us happy, is just that - an illusion.

True freedom, truly defying gravity, lies in accepting impermanence and its transient nature, knowing that the stuff won’t give us lasting happiness.

Deeper Dive✨

Impermanence is a core principle of spiritual traditions like Buddhism. It simply confirms the physics principles that everything in existence is transient. And we know this logically, right? Yet, we do our damndest to grasp tightly and control life to go our way. Like the Frank Sinatra song I Did It My Way , which screwed up many generations to come (though I love the music, not dissing Frank).

RESISTING the truth of impermanence is what creates our suffering. We cling to wanting our partners to stay as they were when we met and fell in love, we want our careers to go smoothly and not ebb and flow in difficulty, we want our kids to remain sweet and loving (remove all teenage-associated eye-rolls, please), and all of us want our health to stay fixed and predictable. Impossible! So, in essence, we are attempting to impose order on an inherently disordered, ever-changing world.

Starting to sound a bit like trying to squeeze a tsunami into your water bottle, LOL?

So you ask, I want to suffer less and accept the truth of impermanence, how do I do that? Believe it or not, the answer is right under our noses :

Simply accept the what is! ✨What is the “what-isness” that life is made of?

🌟It’s the essence of reality as it exists in the present moment, stripped of mental projections, judgments, and resistance. It’s the raw, unfiltered nature of existence. As I like to say - the good, the bad, and the ugly of the Present Moment Now.

How do we resist the “what-isness” and create suffering for ourselves in our daily lives?

• We cling to the past, feel nostalgia or regret, and miss the Now.

• We grasp at the future, feel anxiety or fear of loss, and again, we miss the Now and create suffering for ourselves.

• We try to grasp onto something/someone and not allow it/them to change then we set ourselves up for disappointment since the law of this universe is that everything and everyone inevitably changes.

So how do we embrace the “what-isness” of life, you might wonder? There are many tools we can use, here are 6 such tools that have been life-changing on my path...

1. Practice pure presence using mindfulness tools and present moment awareness : become aware of your senses in any given moment - smell, sound, taste, feel, see - notice the Nowness of the moment arising and passing ( = this is impermanence)

2. Use the mantra : life is happening now, as it is. I don’t need to fight it or change it. Accept the constant flux of the ever-changing nature of reality

3. Become aware that impermanence is not a flaw but is simply the essence of life itself

4. Acknowledge the interconnected web of all things - everything arises in relationship to everything else. For example, a flower exists because of sunlight, soil, water, and countless other unseen factors, like worms and bacteria.

   (*This interconnectedness reminds us that we need each other and is the opposite of the egocentric, individualistic Western culture)

5. Become aware that beneath the movement of life lies a foundational stillness - a silence that holds everything. It’s the space in which all experience arises. It is a space of unchanging, eternal, unaffected comings and goings of all form and phenomena. Begin to explore and spend time in this space.

6. Surrender to the Mystery and unknowability of it all ✨

   This is the recognition that no matter how much we try to understand or explain life it will always contain ineffable qualities that are beyond human comprehension.

   (*This may be a hard one, especially for all of us overthinkers who think we can figure everything out with the mind😉)

   

So NOW you are an expert on the “what-isness” of life, you understand that by accepting its impermanent nature you will suffer less.

Allow me to gift you 10 benefits of your newfound realization. Hang with me, I’ll sprinkle them with some personal juiciness to help you chew and digest. Trust me, I’m a doctor, better yet, a Soul Surgeon😊✨

10 Benefits of embracing impermanence :

• Freedom from attachment and clinging

  • Recognizing impermanence helps us let go of attachments to people, outcomes, and stuff. It doesn’t mean you no longer love them, it just means that you simply no longer NEED them to show up a certain way. When my oldest daughter became estranged 1.5 years ago it was excruciating. I cried and felt my pain, but over time I released my clinging attachment to needing her to be a certain way. I was able to free myself !

• Creates greater presence

  • When we truly, fully, and openly understand that every moment is fleeting then we are more likely to savor the moment. A hug from my teenage son, a meow from Ginji, my cat, or a day without back pain. Savor every moment. Not a breath wasted.

• Resilience in the face of loss

  • Knowing that everything is temporary helps us cope better with loss and adversity. Rather than becoming devastated by change we can see it as a natural part of life’s cycle and and an invitation for growth. I promise you this is simple, but not easy, and achievable with intentional practice (*I can help, just reach out).

• Openness to new possibilities

  • When we’re NOT fixated on keeping things the way they are we become more adaptable and open to new experiences. My relations with my other four kids shifted and deepened when I accepted my daughter’s estrangement and didn’t allow it to hold me back. Knowing everything changes allows me the freedom to move forward with my life.

• Emotional equanimity

  • Impermanence teaches us not to overly identify with passing emotions - either joy or sadness- because they’re not permanent states of being. They’re transitory. This brings a calm balanced mindset which allows us to experience life without overwhelm from the highs and lows.

• A deeper understanding of self

  • Impermanence reveals the transient nature of identity and ego and helps us let go of rigid notions about who we are. This opened the door for my self-discovery and spiritual growth, and can do the same for you as you come to see yourself as dynamic, evolving being.

• Freedom from fear of death

  • Embracing impermanence helps us accept the the inevitability of death as part of life’s cycle. This shifts our perspective, allowing us to focus on living fully rather than fearing the end.

• Compassion for others

  • When we understand the fleeting nature of life, we become more compassionate toward others. I gained deep compassion for my estranged daughter, not faulting her but rather sending loving compassion to her by recognizing her struggles as part of the same impermanent flow that we all experience.

• Liberation from perfectionism

  • Embracing impermanence allows us to see that nothing needs to be ‘perfect’ or last forever, because it doesn’t! (*This was a game-changer in my life! Perfectionism is a wonderful thing for a surgeon, but not so much in everyday life😉) . This liberates us from rigid standards and the need for control, giving us more freedom to experiment, play, and learn

• Sense of gratitude🙏

  • When we see every moment, relationship, and experience as a temporary gift, we cultivate profound gratitude and deeper a appreciation of life.

Closing Thought✨

I invite you to give yourself permission to embrace impermanence and the “what-isness” of this life🙏 practicing allowing every moment to arise and dissolve into the next without resistance🙏

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CAPTION FOR PHOTOS BELOW : A few nights ago I experienced the closing ceremony of the sand mandala created by Buddhist monks from Tibet who came to give us the teachings of impermanence through this artform (meticulous mandala, monks in Miami - I couldn’t resist all the m’s LOL).

It takes many days, tremendous focus, and deep intention to complete the meticulous work of this gorgeous mandala of Green Tara (a Buddhist deity), infused with blessings to free all sentient beings from suffering.

At the closing ceremony the monks chanted, prayed, and then swept the sand mandala with a soft-haired brush, converting the colorful masterpiece into an amorphous pile of sand in the middle of the table - the teachings of IMPERMANENCE right in front of our eyes!

Journaling Prompts✨

1. Have you considered the ever-changing nature of this life (truth of impermanence)? Do you accept it or resist it?

2. How do you embrace or resist the “what-isness” of life?

3. Name 3 examples of impermanence that you’ve experienced today. Explore how it would feel to accept them simply as they are in this moment. Notice if any judgment or resistance comes up?

4. Pick your favorite 3 benefits from the above list of benefits and journal about how you would benefit from them. 😊

I invite you to write your own PS : I give myself permission to…

In deep gratitude🙏Dr. Tamy, Soul Surgeon ✨

TheMindFul Space/ https://www.tmfspace.com/

READ PERMISSION SLIP #1:

Be Unapologetically You

*ps i love you❣️