Why Do We Need Permission?

because we forget to love ourselves✨

Welcome lovelies!

In December of last year I published my first post of the brand-spanking new newsletter titled, you guessed it, Permission Slips. This idea came to me years ago when I realized how rarely I gave myself permission in the simplest, yet most needed, areas of my life. Writing these Permission Slips (PS) over the years helped me grow through the good, the bad, and the sometimes not so pretty journey of this thing we call Life.

Through consistent engagement with these PS I was able to shed old versions of myself and learn to listen to my inner voice and deepest needs. It feels so good now to live from a space of truth and authenticity.

We’re told to love ourselves but no one tells us how? These PS are my way of supporting you, and me, to cultivate self love and live authentically😍.

I used to live following a fictitious life script written in invisible ink. I didn’t write this life script myself but followed it to the letter. This script included succeeding in all the usual arenas : work, family, and being a good person. So I created a 20+ year long career as a Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeon, married at 30, birthed 5 little humans, and took care of everyone, I mean everyone! All the while being nice.

Sounds exhausting? Well, it was!

Somewhere in my youth I learned that if I followed this unwritten holy grail then I would reach nirvana, a life of pure joy and happiness, like a permanent sugar rush!

RESULTING REALITY : NOT EVEN CLOSE TO A SUGAR RUSH!

Instead, stress, anxiety, sluggishness, and an overall dissatisfaction with life ensued. Fifteen years ago I deepened my spiritual journey by questioning the societal norms that no longer served me. It led me to live life very differently. That’s when I started offering myself permission in the form of loving Permission Slips. I wrote them anywhere and everywhere I could. In my journals, on restaurant napkins, and even on crumbled supermarket receipts. In these little love notes I gave myself permission to pause, breathe, cry, feel, scream, love, and so much more. I began to gather these sweet PS in a google doc and now I’m ready to share them with you💕.

Below is a little sample of the spaces I’ll explore with you in future Permission Slips posts. The posts will take a deeper dive into many life categories and include personal stories, anecdotes, and a dash of humor of the absurd. Here’s a tiny taste :

• Permission to Feel

  • I give myself permission to feel all the feels, and feel them all the way - Even if they leave me in the fetal position with mucus running down my face. Even the uncomfortable ones. Especially the uncomfortable ones - sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration. These are our teachers.🙏

• Permission to Be Imperfect

  • I give myself permission to be messy and sloppy and sometimes even say the wrong thing in relationships with kids, partner, parents, friends, and colleagues. I’ve excelled in the art of sloppiness!

• Permission to Fall Apart

  • I give myself permission to fall apart. We don’t have to keep it together all the time. We are not perfect, a la Stepford Wives (for those who get the reference). We’re allowed to lose it! Safely, of course, without harm to anyone, including ourselves.

• Permission to Set Boundaries

  • I give myself permission to set boundaries when needed. We all know the power of boundaries, don’t we? Taking space and saying no when needed are healthy ways to relate to others from an authentic place. It doesn’t make you less loving, it actually makes you very loving (much more about this in later posts).

• Permission In Career/Work

  • I give myself permission to work less. To be less productive. Learning that I didn’t have to always be ‘on’ in terms of my productivity. This was a game changer. After nearly burning out as an overworked surgeon, I finally learned that productivity didn’t define my worth.

• Permission in Parenting

  • I give myself permission to be ME (whatever that meant in the moment). Wowww… this was a life changer! To take breaks when needed and to to be radically and compassionately honest with myself and others in my life, including my 5 kids (now teens and young adults). I learned that I didn’t need to sacrifice my own well-being in order to be a good mother (a LOT more about this in future posts)

• Permission in Creative Pursuits

  • I give myself permission to experiment and let go of the need to have every project polished and perfect in order to feel it is successful. Including Substack! My projects usually include art, painting, writing poetry and prose, and creating workshops). I give myself permission to let inspiration find me rather than force it to show up. After all, doesn’t the muse come to visit us on her timeline?

• Permission in Your Spiritual Journey

  • I give myself permission to question, explore my beliefs without judgment, and let myself evolve without the pressure of getting it right . This is when little Ms. Perfectionist peeks her little nose where it doesn’t belong. I realiz it’s okay to take breaks from meditation or journaling without feeling like I’ve failed. I remind myself that spirituality is a lifelong journey, not a race.

• Permission In Physical and Mental Health

  • I give myself permission to rest. Learning to rest was huge! All of the above Permission Slips fall into this category. It’s essential to listen to our bodies and give ourselves time to recharge. Sometimes we need physical rest and at times it’s emotional healing. I remember at the height of my busyness, I went to lay down feeling physically and emotionally exhausted by 5pm - having worked overnight in an emergency night call the night before, then a full day of surgery, homework with my five kids, and finally getting ready for dinner before the dreaded bedtime routine. I was ashamed to take time off to rest and instead told my partner that I had a headache. It didn’t feel good to hold my truth back. That was more than a decade ago and since then I’ve learned to speak my truth, bringing me closer to inner wellness - mind, body, and spirit.

• Permission In Your Everyday Life

  • As the poet Rainer Maria Rilke said, Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Life has a way of going smoothly and then hitting a brick wall. This is part of the reality of being a soul in a human body. Let’s learn to make peace with the messiness of this world and call it PERFECTION instead . As I write this, my teenage son’s sweatpants, T-shirts, and socks are all over the floor of the laundry room awaiting to magically levitate into the washing machine.

    Is it messy? Yes! Is it perfect? Yes! (more on the perfection IN the messiness of this life, in future posts).

Closing Thought

By giving myself permission to pause, breath, and embrace the imperfections of my human life, I free myself from the pressure of striving for unattainable standards. I want this for you too💕 Join me here in these Permission Slips and let’s create moments of grace and well-being for ourselves. This energy will spill into the world and onto those we love and all of those whom we come into contact with across our lives, allowing our authentic selves to shine through.

Life isn’t about doing it perfectly, it’s about living it fully✨

XO Tamy, Soul Surgeon

*ps i love you