Oh Tamy, the heaviness in my heart as I was reading this. This is an unimaginable pain. I’ve respected so many parents who have had this quiet torture happen to them. Wishing you continued strength and healing my heart is with you.
Tammy, this piece hits me in such a real place. Thank you for being honest about this fractured moment between your daughter and you. It gives me words for things I’ve experienced within the complex relationship with my own 4 children post my divorce.
"She was my moon orbiting just close enough ... and then the silence." If I could write as elegantly as you, this would have been my piece. Thirty-six months for me. A daughter who I loved more than I can ever say. Like you, it seemed to me she could not love me when she had a partner. And the distance grew more distant until she found a reason to say it was forever. Thirty-six years old, alive and well but gone. I know your pain and will feel it every day of my remaining years. I'm so sorry Tamy - it's devastating, inconceivable, and every sad adjective I can think of. I hope your daughter will someday find her way back to you. It's really hard to lose your moon.
Thank you for sharing your heart-pain withe me, Elle. How devastating for you (and me). And yet.. there are lessons to be learned and I am not in a place of devastation any more, after nearly 2 years. Not sure if you read my part II , but here it is. Would love to know if any of it resonates for you and how I can support you in any way.
Sending love & light and many more days of life with many more skies full of moons to come. 🥰💙🙏
Thank you so much for this. I was going to say I'm not sure how to find the words, but I think it's only conscious me who isn't, so I'm going to hand this over to my subconscious.
Reading this has helped bring slightly more into focus how it must have felt for my own mother. How her soul clung to mine, and why I ultimately surrendered, and gave at least something of myself until she no longer needed me. Her outward reasons were *very* different, but I imagine the fundamental reasons were very similar for her.
I always doubted the wisdom of staying, given the specific circumstances she was in, and the fact that it also trapped me to a certain degree in those circumstances, but your writing has given me some sense of peace in the path I chose.
Fran, thank you so much for taking this piece and making it your own. Bringing it into your own life experience is exactly why I write. So that we can see ourselves, IN each other. ✨💙🙏
I’m so grateful you shared your bit of added clarity with me. 🤗
I felt so much reading your words, Tamy. I can feel how much you care for your daughter and can only imagine how much pain you've been feeling for these past 22 months... I'm so sorry. And I think you're so strong to navigate through these feelings with your writing. You write with such gentleness and beauty. I pray that you can be united with your daughter again and can hold her in your arms very soon. 💛🙏
Thank you for reading and FEELING me Soleil. Your loving words are well received. I’ll be publishing the second part of this piece this weekend to share how my journey has progressed. 🤗✨🌻
this gave me goosebumps Tamy. good lord... just that one word - why? unimaginable to anyone who has not experienced it, however your words did an amazing job of bringing me into your world. the way you describe the experience left me rather stunned. i could not help but feel a portion of the ambiguous ache...
your courage to share something so raw is inspiring. it pulled me in. your words captivate. and carry weight in them. there's soul behind them.
there are no words i can offer you in such a situation, no matter how hard i try to think of something. grief like this goes beyond words. it is not spoken, it is felt.
sending you strength to heal. i believe sharing this story shows you are on that path.
I can’t pretend to know exactly what this feels like—but I felt the ache in every line. The love, too. The kind that doesn’t disappear even when connection does. Thank you for opening the door to this part of your story. It’s tender, and it’s powerful. I’ll be here for part two, holding space with you.
This is extremely tender to me right now. And I have been wanting to put words to it and can not right now either. I am in the midst of feeling this happen although I am living with her now. Our relationship has become different there is a silence neither of us are speaking and we are just getting through it. It is due to relationships we are both in and neither of us really seem to like each others partners and it’s created a wedge. She has been everything you described to me. This hits really close and I will sit and wait for part 2. Thank you!
Ohh, dear @Alicia Joyful , my heart aches for you both. 💔
I am so sorry to know you’re IN it. I feel you deeply.🙏
Silence can be medicine and silence can be poisonous.
I invite you to listen to your heart and ask it : how can I reach the depth of my own pain, first? And then how can I reach her heart?
I also want to offer you to join me in our sacred, intimate zoom room on Sunday May 4 at 3PM EST. I trust you will find relief, support, and peace in the C.O.R.E. community space I’ve created (Circle of Radiant Expansion). It’s a space for REAL talk . Here’s more info if you feel inspired to explore.
Thank you Tamy! And everyday I am asking my heart and keeping the peace. It feels delicate and I just keep showing up in what feels true in my heart and keeps the peace in the home we are both creating with my grandson.
I will join the group on May 4th. I am wanting to create a space very similar and have 3 more courses to finish my degree and this is my main focus at the time. The time will perfectly align for me to create the space for others.
Sounds like you have a good amount of clarity on your path, Alicia. You have navigated choppy waters before and this time your bring all the wisdom gained with you. 🙏🥰
Sounds wonderful that you are almost done with your degree, what is the focus of your studies?
I will be happy to meet you in our intimate zoom C.O.R.E. space May 4th. And how wonderful that you will create space for others as well. ✨🙏
I don't know what to say Tamy, it's so well put. Ambiguous loss - i wasn't aware of such a thing but to be honest, I have seen it happen in my close circles. Heck it might even to me, but I suppose or atleast I hope less with me directly now that I am aware of it.
So, thank you for sharing, looking forward to next one when you feel like putting it out here.
Thank you so much for reading and reflecting back, Mohit. It is a curious and challenging entity. Thank you for witnessing your own self and checking in to see if it’s something you’re involved in, or not.
I’m working on the next pub this week and plan to go slowly and with grace, plan to publish next weekend. Thank you for being here. Your words matter 🙏💫
By reading other souls accounts of the (living) loss of a child it makes my own, similar, experience a little more bearable and unites us through an invisible bond.
I wish every disenfranchised parent the strength to keep your hope of reunion alive and to live in peace with yourself.
I feel how much you care. I hear your pain. I see your vulnerability. You’re strong to share this.
🙏✨💌💙Thank you , my friend
Beautiful, beautiful piece, Tamy.
Thank you for reading, Rebecca🙏✨💙
I feel this. Thank you for your beautiful words. Ambiguous loss, indeed. Grief that doesn't sign with its real name.
Thank you for reading and feeling, Stephanie. 💫🙏💙
Oh Tamy, the heaviness in my heart as I was reading this. This is an unimaginable pain. I’ve respected so many parents who have had this quiet torture happen to them. Wishing you continued strength and healing my heart is with you.
Thank you for reading and reflecting back with loving tenderness. Hope you read the second part where I share what I’ve learned and where I am now :)
https://open.substack.com/pub/tamyfaierman/p/part-ii-a-relationship-on-mute?r=eg9g9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Tammy, this piece hits me in such a real place. Thank you for being honest about this fractured moment between your daughter and you. It gives me words for things I’ve experienced within the complex relationship with my own 4 children post my divorce.
Thank you so much for reading and feeling, Marya.
I’m grateful my words could bring you words relating to your painful experience. Sending love🙏✨💗
"She was my moon orbiting just close enough ... and then the silence." If I could write as elegantly as you, this would have been my piece. Thirty-six months for me. A daughter who I loved more than I can ever say. Like you, it seemed to me she could not love me when she had a partner. And the distance grew more distant until she found a reason to say it was forever. Thirty-six years old, alive and well but gone. I know your pain and will feel it every day of my remaining years. I'm so sorry Tamy - it's devastating, inconceivable, and every sad adjective I can think of. I hope your daughter will someday find her way back to you. It's really hard to lose your moon.
Thank you for sharing your heart-pain withe me, Elle. How devastating for you (and me). And yet.. there are lessons to be learned and I am not in a place of devastation any more, after nearly 2 years. Not sure if you read my part II , but here it is. Would love to know if any of it resonates for you and how I can support you in any way.
Sending love & light and many more days of life with many more skies full of moons to come. 🥰💙🙏
https://open.substack.com/pub/tamyfaierman/p/part-ii-a-relationship-on-mute?r=eg9g9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Out of sight is one thing. Out of touch though is another. I can't imagine how heavy the silence is.
I pray God reconciles you two cause few things are as painful as loss whilst present
Thank you for your heartfelt wishes, Richard, I receive them lovingly 🙏✨🥰
Thank you so much for this. I was going to say I'm not sure how to find the words, but I think it's only conscious me who isn't, so I'm going to hand this over to my subconscious.
Reading this has helped bring slightly more into focus how it must have felt for my own mother. How her soul clung to mine, and why I ultimately surrendered, and gave at least something of myself until she no longer needed me. Her outward reasons were *very* different, but I imagine the fundamental reasons were very similar for her.
I always doubted the wisdom of staying, given the specific circumstances she was in, and the fact that it also trapped me to a certain degree in those circumstances, but your writing has given me some sense of peace in the path I chose.
Fran, thank you so much for taking this piece and making it your own. Bringing it into your own life experience is exactly why I write. So that we can see ourselves, IN each other. ✨💙🙏
I’m so grateful you shared your bit of added clarity with me. 🤗
I felt so much reading your words, Tamy. I can feel how much you care for your daughter and can only imagine how much pain you've been feeling for these past 22 months... I'm so sorry. And I think you're so strong to navigate through these feelings with your writing. You write with such gentleness and beauty. I pray that you can be united with your daughter again and can hold her in your arms very soon. 💛🙏
Thank you for reading and FEELING me Soleil. Your loving words are well received. I’ll be publishing the second part of this piece this weekend to share how my journey has progressed. 🤗✨🌻
And I’ll be here to read and feel it all the way! ☺️🙏
💙🙏
this gave me goosebumps Tamy. good lord... just that one word - why? unimaginable to anyone who has not experienced it, however your words did an amazing job of bringing me into your world. the way you describe the experience left me rather stunned. i could not help but feel a portion of the ambiguous ache...
your courage to share something so raw is inspiring. it pulled me in. your words captivate. and carry weight in them. there's soul behind them.
there are no words i can offer you in such a situation, no matter how hard i try to think of something. grief like this goes beyond words. it is not spoken, it is felt.
sending you strength to heal. i believe sharing this story shows you are on that path.
Thank you for your tender words, Oliver. Thank you for witnessing my experience. Grief needs to be witnessed.
I will write the next part to release this weekend.
Lovely, Tamy
I can’t pretend to know exactly what this feels like—but I felt the ache in every line. The love, too. The kind that doesn’t disappear even when connection does. Thank you for opening the door to this part of your story. It’s tender, and it’s powerful. I’ll be here for part two, holding space with you.
Thank you for reading, dear Evan, and for your kind words. I appreciate your being here holding space. It truly makes a difference.
Not sure if you have kids, but I wrote this for those who don’t . And I hope you never will know exactly what this feels like. 🙏
https://substack.com/@tamyfaierman/note/c-108683728
This is extremely tender to me right now. And I have been wanting to put words to it and can not right now either. I am in the midst of feeling this happen although I am living with her now. Our relationship has become different there is a silence neither of us are speaking and we are just getting through it. It is due to relationships we are both in and neither of us really seem to like each others partners and it’s created a wedge. She has been everything you described to me. This hits really close and I will sit and wait for part 2. Thank you!
Ohh, dear @Alicia Joyful , my heart aches for you both. 💔
I am so sorry to know you’re IN it. I feel you deeply.🙏
Silence can be medicine and silence can be poisonous.
I invite you to listen to your heart and ask it : how can I reach the depth of my own pain, first? And then how can I reach her heart?
I also want to offer you to join me in our sacred, intimate zoom room on Sunday May 4 at 3PM EST. I trust you will find relief, support, and peace in the C.O.R.E. community space I’ve created (Circle of Radiant Expansion). It’s a space for REAL talk . Here’s more info if you feel inspired to explore.
Sending love from my mother-heart, to yours. 🙏✨💙
https://open.substack.com/pub/tamyfaierman/p/join-our-core-community-zoom-tonight?r=eg9g9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Thank you Tamy! And everyday I am asking my heart and keeping the peace. It feels delicate and I just keep showing up in what feels true in my heart and keeps the peace in the home we are both creating with my grandson.
I will join the group on May 4th. I am wanting to create a space very similar and have 3 more courses to finish my degree and this is my main focus at the time. The time will perfectly align for me to create the space for others.
Sounds like you have a good amount of clarity on your path, Alicia. You have navigated choppy waters before and this time your bring all the wisdom gained with you. 🙏🥰
Sounds wonderful that you are almost done with your degree, what is the focus of your studies?
I will be happy to meet you in our intimate zoom C.O.R.E. space May 4th. And how wonderful that you will create space for others as well. ✨🙏
Thank you and yes I am navigating this with wisdom and trust. I am focused on keeping the peace and being kind while holding firm to my boundaries.
My degree is HR Management. As I am wrapping it up I am discovering how much I do not want to be in HR but grateful for the knowledge I have gained.
I am excited to meet with your group!
Love to know you’re holding wisdom and trust at the helm. Keeping the peace and being kind… while holding boundaries… so good, Alicia.🙏
Congrats on continuing your studies AND also for honoring your truth in terms of the direction you’re heading.
So happy to meet your energy in real-time at C.O.R.E. where we’ll meet in the Circle Of Radiant Expansion, on May 4th 🥰✨🎶
i hope the name elevates you already to meet your core in radiant expansion ♥️
I don't know what to say Tamy, it's so well put. Ambiguous loss - i wasn't aware of such a thing but to be honest, I have seen it happen in my close circles. Heck it might even to me, but I suppose or atleast I hope less with me directly now that I am aware of it.
So, thank you for sharing, looking forward to next one when you feel like putting it out here.
Thank you so much for reading and reflecting back, Mohit. It is a curious and challenging entity. Thank you for witnessing your own self and checking in to see if it’s something you’re involved in, or not.
I’m working on the next pub this week and plan to go slowly and with grace, plan to publish next weekend. Thank you for being here. Your words matter 🙏💫
Takes courage to write about this kind of transition.
Indeed it does, Jake. I felt it. Thanks for reading. 🙏✨🧿
Hi Tamy.
Thanks for putting your experience out there.
By reading other souls accounts of the (living) loss of a child it makes my own, similar, experience a little more bearable and unites us through an invisible bond.
I wish every disenfranchised parent the strength to keep your hope of reunion alive and to live in peace with yourself.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Graham.
It’s a tough road. Sending love and strength on your path.