What I'm now fully aware of is that by feeling I was broken (when I'd always been such a perfectionist) and continuing to feel I needed to fix myself, I was constantly in flight mode due to the level of self criticism I was dealing out to myself. No surprise that I've been constantly anxious and dysregulated! Learning to stop doing, fixing and trying is so essential ✨️ Karen
Thank you for reading & reflecting, Karen. Love this share of your path. I’ve experienced it in my life as well. How wonderful that you have the deeper understanding of yourself now and a path forward.
I loooooove this! Makes me reconsider my language when talking about healing myself and us all working together to heal the world. Same goal, different path. Though I always strive to be authentic, I come from a sports background, where best is the goal. Lots of reflection to do and I might write a post on this subject. I’ll let you know if I do! Thanks for the post Tammy!
Awesome, @Aaron J Kaplan . Thanks for reading and reflecting. Language is SO important. Have you read the little, yet powerful book, The 4 Agreements? The first agreement mentioned is : be impeccable with your words. So words like strive, best, truest, authentic, etc. carry so much subconscious meaning and energy for us.
Since reading it years ago I’ve become very intentional with my language. As the old saying goes ‘say what you mean and mean what you say’ haha.
One more point is that I don't use the language 'healing myself or the world'. I trust and believe that we/and the world are all simply 'coming back to our wholeness'. It feels more true for me to return to wholeness, rather than to heal because healing implies there is an underlying sickness/ illness/ un-wholeness (maybe I feel this way bc of my many years of working as a surgeon :).
Sounds like you have a lot to share about this topic, from your experience. Would love to read your post about it. 😊👍
Thanks for the thoughtful response Tamy! I sure have read that wonderful book, a long time ago and I recommend it often, but could use a re-read I believe.
You’ve given me a lot to think about (especially regarding my terminology), and I could either write a much too long-winded comment here, not yet fully thought out, or I could think it through over the week or more while writing a post, so I’ll save my thoughts for a post and let you know when it’s written. Oh, and I’ll read The Four Agreements before making my post!
Language certainly is powerful, and when misused or thrown around lackadaisically, it can confuse rather than shine its guiding light for which it was conceived. I believe the word is the most powerful tool one can wield, so when doing the work we both agree must be done (though our language has been different so far), it’s of the utmost importance to truly say what we mean. I’ll be working on it!
Thank you 🙏🏼 I would SO much rather tell my kids to just try to be the truist versions of themselves, instead of the best version of themselves. HUGE epiphany for me, I appreciate you so very much.
Oh Tamy, your shining heart glows out of the page on this one, even brighter than before. Your true soul is a beacon to this surgeon-just-finding-her-soul-again. With all my love and gratitude xxx
This article really resonates on so many levels. The relentless pursuit of being "the best" is in on so many of us, often without us even realizing it. Society conditions us to believe that self-worth is tied to external achievements, yet as your story beautifully illustrates, that mindset can leave us feeling hollow, exhausted, and disconnected from ourselves.
Your journey from striving for perfection to embracing authenticity is incredibly inspiring, especially considering that you're doing this while raising five kids.
God, I can't even imagine having that many kids 😅. That itself is a monumental task, requiring patience, resilience, and an endless well of love. It’s amazing how, even with all the responsibilities that come with motherhood, you’ve taken the time to reflect, grow, and redefine what success means to you. That’s something so many people struggle with, even without the demands of parenting.
The distinction between being "the best" and being your truest self is such a powerful shift in perspective. Instead of constantly trying to "fix" ourselves, we can simply be embracing our unique, evolving, and imperfect selves without judgment.
To be frank, I never thought to be the truest. I can only imagine being the best. It kinda puts a different perspective on my thoughts.
Well, thank you for that, Tamy.
It’s a reminder that growth doesn’t always come from pushing harder but from allowing space to listen to our inner voice.
I also deeply value you and appreciate the vulnerability in sharing your personal experiences, your father’s words, the immense pressure to excel, and that deeply human moment of realization in your closet.
Oh, those journaling prompts are great.
My favourite is “If no one was watching, would I still make the same choices?” I think this forces us to reflect on whether we are living in alignment with our true selves or simply performing for others.
If you don't mind me sharing some of my journaling prompts that I use on a regular basis.
1. What would you do if money were no object?
2. What activities in the last week drained or energised you?
3. What is the goal and what is the bottleneck?
These are only a few of the prompts that I regularly use.
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. It’s a message so many of us need to hear. 💙
I appreciate you and your deep reflections, Jai. I find our interactions and your feedback deeply nourishing, thank you.
And thank you for reading and receiving my message and experiences. I love that you reflected them back onto yourself to check in and ask : what is true for me?
Love your journaling prompts. Self-inquiry is one of the paths into our authentic self. It’s one of the ABCs of Soul Surgery. A is for awareness , and one main way I take people there is through self-inquiry. Wrote about it here, in case you’re interested. I don’t mean to give you any homework, LOL , just offering reading in case you feel inspired to connect with the material. And as always, I invite your feedback.
Feel free to send me anything you’d like me to read, as well. Love this connection, Jai. 🙏✨🥰
I deeply appreciate our connection and the depth of our conversations. Your reflections always invite me to pause and explore my own inner landscape in ways that feel both grounding and expansive.
If you have time, do check out this piece of content written by me.
I appreciate this! It takes a lot to realise the source of what you design your life around. There's so many voices speaking today and it seeps in and just takes root. To be truly quiet is a gift, to see yourself is truly a gift.
For me as a believer when I'm still and take time to meditate. I like to put God's word in view. It's how I reconcile myself between where I am and what's true to me. Its also how I'm able to sort and align what is and what isn't for me. A mirror that I've found.
I'm happy for your journey. It took a lot of years to get there. Evolving again in your 50s, truly, youth is a matter of heart
Ugh, resonating!! Why must we get to the point of implosion to see the light within? Thank you for sharing; this is a wonderful lesson/reminder of what is truly important in this short spin we get on this sphere.
Thank you for this. Beautiful and important. I found that..."a new definition of success" slowly and carefully revealed itself to me as I gave it space. Thank you for your beautiful work.🙏🏼
What I'm now fully aware of is that by feeling I was broken (when I'd always been such a perfectionist) and continuing to feel I needed to fix myself, I was constantly in flight mode due to the level of self criticism I was dealing out to myself. No surprise that I've been constantly anxious and dysregulated! Learning to stop doing, fixing and trying is so essential ✨️ Karen
Thank you for reading & reflecting, Karen. Love this share of your path. I’ve experienced it in my life as well. How wonderful that you have the deeper understanding of yourself now and a path forward.
I loooooove this! Makes me reconsider my language when talking about healing myself and us all working together to heal the world. Same goal, different path. Though I always strive to be authentic, I come from a sports background, where best is the goal. Lots of reflection to do and I might write a post on this subject. I’ll let you know if I do! Thanks for the post Tammy!
Awesome, @Aaron J Kaplan . Thanks for reading and reflecting. Language is SO important. Have you read the little, yet powerful book, The 4 Agreements? The first agreement mentioned is : be impeccable with your words. So words like strive, best, truest, authentic, etc. carry so much subconscious meaning and energy for us.
Since reading it years ago I’ve become very intentional with my language. As the old saying goes ‘say what you mean and mean what you say’ haha.
One more point is that I don't use the language 'healing myself or the world'. I trust and believe that we/and the world are all simply 'coming back to our wholeness'. It feels more true for me to return to wholeness, rather than to heal because healing implies there is an underlying sickness/ illness/ un-wholeness (maybe I feel this way bc of my many years of working as a surgeon :).
Sounds like you have a lot to share about this topic, from your experience. Would love to read your post about it. 😊👍
Thanks for the thoughtful response Tamy! I sure have read that wonderful book, a long time ago and I recommend it often, but could use a re-read I believe.
You’ve given me a lot to think about (especially regarding my terminology), and I could either write a much too long-winded comment here, not yet fully thought out, or I could think it through over the week or more while writing a post, so I’ll save my thoughts for a post and let you know when it’s written. Oh, and I’ll read The Four Agreements before making my post!
Language certainly is powerful, and when misused or thrown around lackadaisically, it can confuse rather than shine its guiding light for which it was conceived. I believe the word is the most powerful tool one can wield, so when doing the work we both agree must be done (though our language has been different so far), it’s of the utmost importance to truly say what we mean. I’ll be working on it!
Thanks for your reflection, Aaron. Looking forward to reading it. 😊👌
Tamy, What a powerful story. I love how you used stillness as a bridget between your mask and your truest self.
Thank you for reading and reflecting back, Sandra. Stillness has been my trusted steed, my BFF, my guide. 🙏💗Thank you for seeing me.
Thank you 🙏🏼 I would SO much rather tell my kids to just try to be the truist versions of themselves, instead of the best version of themselves. HUGE epiphany for me, I appreciate you so very much.
This is wonderful , Rhiannon. Thank you! I appreciate you for reading and reflecting back.
I would have appreciated being raised that way, but that wasn’t the case. However, this IS what I offer to my own 5 kids/young adults. 🙏✨💗
A wonderful article, Tamy. I heartily agree.
Thank you so much for reading and reflecting back, Steven.
Oh Tamy, your shining heart glows out of the page on this one, even brighter than before. Your true soul is a beacon to this surgeon-just-finding-her-soul-again. With all my love and gratitude xxx
Thank you for reading & reflecting, dear @Louise Morris
thank you for sharing your story. As you already know, I so agree!
Thank you for reading, Kasia. 🙏🥰
This article really resonates on so many levels. The relentless pursuit of being "the best" is in on so many of us, often without us even realizing it. Society conditions us to believe that self-worth is tied to external achievements, yet as your story beautifully illustrates, that mindset can leave us feeling hollow, exhausted, and disconnected from ourselves.
Your journey from striving for perfection to embracing authenticity is incredibly inspiring, especially considering that you're doing this while raising five kids.
God, I can't even imagine having that many kids 😅. That itself is a monumental task, requiring patience, resilience, and an endless well of love. It’s amazing how, even with all the responsibilities that come with motherhood, you’ve taken the time to reflect, grow, and redefine what success means to you. That’s something so many people struggle with, even without the demands of parenting.
The distinction between being "the best" and being your truest self is such a powerful shift in perspective. Instead of constantly trying to "fix" ourselves, we can simply be embracing our unique, evolving, and imperfect selves without judgment.
To be frank, I never thought to be the truest. I can only imagine being the best. It kinda puts a different perspective on my thoughts.
Well, thank you for that, Tamy.
It’s a reminder that growth doesn’t always come from pushing harder but from allowing space to listen to our inner voice.
I also deeply value you and appreciate the vulnerability in sharing your personal experiences, your father’s words, the immense pressure to excel, and that deeply human moment of realization in your closet.
Oh, those journaling prompts are great.
My favourite is “If no one was watching, would I still make the same choices?” I think this forces us to reflect on whether we are living in alignment with our true selves or simply performing for others.
If you don't mind me sharing some of my journaling prompts that I use on a regular basis.
1. What would you do if money were no object?
2. What activities in the last week drained or energised you?
3. What is the goal and what is the bottleneck?
These are only a few of the prompts that I regularly use.
Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. It’s a message so many of us need to hear. 💙
I appreciate you and your deep reflections, Jai. I find our interactions and your feedback deeply nourishing, thank you.
And thank you for reading and receiving my message and experiences. I love that you reflected them back onto yourself to check in and ask : what is true for me?
Love your journaling prompts. Self-inquiry is one of the paths into our authentic self. It’s one of the ABCs of Soul Surgery. A is for awareness , and one main way I take people there is through self-inquiry. Wrote about it here, in case you’re interested. I don’t mean to give you any homework, LOL , just offering reading in case you feel inspired to connect with the material. And as always, I invite your feedback.
Feel free to send me anything you’d like me to read, as well. Love this connection, Jai. 🙏✨🥰
https://open.substack.com/pub/tamyfaierman/p/abcs-of-soul-surgery?r=eg9g9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
I deeply appreciate our connection and the depth of our conversations. Your reflections always invite me to pause and explore my own inner landscape in ways that feel both grounding and expansive.
If you have time, do check out this piece of content written by me.
https://open.substack.com/pub/theboldmindset/p/why-thinking-big-is-overrated?r=2swutk&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
And I already read the article "ABC's of Soul Surgery" and left a comment as well. It's really a nice article, Tamy.
I appreciate this! It takes a lot to realise the source of what you design your life around. There's so many voices speaking today and it seeps in and just takes root. To be truly quiet is a gift, to see yourself is truly a gift.
For me as a believer when I'm still and take time to meditate. I like to put God's word in view. It's how I reconcile myself between where I am and what's true to me. Its also how I'm able to sort and align what is and what isn't for me. A mirror that I've found.
I'm happy for your journey. It took a lot of years to get there. Evolving again in your 50s, truly, youth is a matter of heart
Thanks for reading and reflecting back your wisdom. Silence is truly a gift. Seeing yourself is truly a gift. ✨🙏💫
Ugh, resonating!! Why must we get to the point of implosion to see the light within? Thank you for sharing; this is a wonderful lesson/reminder of what is truly important in this short spin we get on this sphere.
Because light can only follow darkness and inevitably, darkness will follow light. ✨💗 Thanks for reading and reflecting , Wendy
Thank you for this. Beautiful and important. I found that..."a new definition of success" slowly and carefully revealed itself to me as I gave it space. Thank you for your beautiful work.🙏🏼
Thank you @Ian Haycroft , for reading and reflecting. I love how space revealed what needed to be revealed. Thank you for your kind words. 🙏✨🌻