Why do I need permission?
Introduction to Permission Slips: ps i love you
Welcome lovelies!
Since I’ve started Permission Slips six months ago, nearly 2,000 of you beautiful Soul Stackers have joined me on the path of Soul Surgery - reading, commenting, and following along. Given that so many of you are new here I would like to re-introduce my newsletter and take the opportunity to welcome you with a loving heart.
I invite you to comment and message me, sharing the Permission Slips you need to give yourself in your own life. So sit back on this lovely resting bench and enjoy!
The idea of Permission Slips came to me years ago when I realized how rarely I gave myself permission in the simplest, yet most needed, areas of my life. Writing these Permission Slips (PS) over the years helped me grow through the good, the bad, and the sometimes not so pretty journey of this thing we call Life.
Through consistent engagement with these PS I was able to shed old versions of myself and learn to listen to my inner voice and deepest needs. It feels amazing to live from a space of truth and authenticity.
We’re told to love ourselves but no one tells us how? These PS are my way of supporting you, and me, to cultivate a path of self love and authenticity.😍
I used to live following a fictitious life script written in invisible ink. I didn’t write this life script myself but followed it to the letter. This script included succeeding in all the usual arenas : work, family, achieving, becoming successful. So, I created a three decade long career as a Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeon, married at 30, birthed 5 little humans, and took care of everyone, I mean everyone!
All the while being nice! Sounds exhausting? It was! Somewhere in my youth I learned that if I followed this unwritten holy grail then I would reach nirvana, a life of pure joy and happiness, like a permanent sugar rush!
RESULTING REALITY : NOT EVEN CLOSE!
Instead, stress, anxiety, sluggishness, and an overall dissatisfaction with life ensued. Sixteen years ago I deepened my spiritual journey by questioning the societal norms that no longer served me. It led me to live life very differently. That’s when I started offering myself permission in the form of loving Permission Slips. I wrote them anywhere I could. In my journals, on restaurant napkins, and even on crumbled receipts. In these little love notes I gave myself permission to pause, breathe, cry, feel, scream, love, and give up. I began to gather these sweet PS in a google doc and now I’m ready to share them with you.💕
Below is a little sample of the spaces I’ll explore with you in future Permission Slips posts. I’ll dive into them more deeply by posting in Notes, speaking on Substack Live Streams, and including personal stories and anecdotes sprinkled with a dash of humor. Here’s a tiny taste :
Permission to Feel
I give myself permission to feel all the feels, and feel them all the way - including those that leave me in the fetal position with mucus running down my face. Even the uncomfortable ones. Especially the uncomfortable ones, like sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration. These are our teachers.
Permission to Be Imperfect
I give myself permission to be messy and sloppy and sometimes even say the wrong thing in relationships with kids, parents, friends and partner. I’ve excelled in the art of sloppiness!
Permission to Fall Apart
I give myself permission to fall apart. We don’t have to keep it together all the time. We are not perfect, a la Stepford Wives (for those who get the reference). We’re allowed to lose it! Safely, of course, without harm to anyone, including ourselves.
Permission to Set Boundaries
I give myself permission to set healthy boundaries when needed. We all know the power of boundaries, don’t we? Taking space and saying no when needed are healthy ways to relate to others from an authentic space. It doesn’t make you less loving, it actually makes you very loving (much more about this in later posts).
Permission In Career/Work
I give myself permission to work less. To be less productive. Learning that I didn’t have to always be ‘on’ in terms of my productivity was a game changer. After nearly burning out as an overworked surgeon, I finally learned that productivity didn’t define my worth.
Permission in Parenting
I give myself permission to step out of the parenting role and be ME (whatever that meant in the moment). Wowww… this was a life changer! To take breaks when needed and to to be radically and compassionately honest with myself and others in my life, including my 5 kids (now teens and young adults). I learned that I didn’t need to sacrifice my own well-being in order to be a good mother (a LOT more about this in future posts).
Permission in Creative Pursuits
I give myself permission to experiment and let go of the need to have every project polished and perfect in order to feel it’s successful. My projects include art, painting, writing poetry and prose, and creating workshops. I give myself permission to let inspiration find me rather than force it to show up. After all, doesn’t the muse come to visit us on her timeline?
Permission in Your Spiritual Journey
I give myself permission to question, explore my beliefs without judgment, and let myself evolve without the pressure of getting it right (here comes Ms. Perfectionist peeking her nose where it doesn’t belong). I realized it’s okay to take breaks from meditation or journaling without feeling like I’ve failed. I remind myself that spirituality is a lifelong journey, not a race.
Permission In Physical and Mental Health
I give myself permission to rest. Learning to rest was huge! All of the above Permission Slips fall into this category. It’s essential to listen to our bodies and give ourselves time to recharge. Sometimes we need physical rest and at times it’s emotional healing. I remember at the height of my busyness, I went to lay down feeling physically and emotionally exhausted by 5pm - having had a late night in the OR the night before, then a full day of surgery, homework with my five kids, and getting ready for dinner. I was ashamed to take time off to rest and instead told my partner that I had a headache. It didn’t feel good to hold my truth back. Since then I’ve learned to speak my truth rather than hide.
Permission In Your Everyday Life
As the poet Rainer Maria Rilke said, Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Life has a way of going smoothly and then unexpectedly, hitting a brick wall. This is part of the reality of being a soul in a human body. Let’s learn to make peace with the messiness of this world and call it PERFECT instead. As I write this, my teenage son’s sweatpants, T-shirts, and socks are all over the floor of the laundry room awaiting to magically levitate into the washing machine. Is it messy? Yes! Is it perfect? Yes! (more on the perfection IN the messiness of this life, in future posts).
Closing Thought
By giving myself permission to pause, breath, and embrace this im-perfect of my human life, I free myself from the pressure of striving for unattainable standards.
I want this for you too💕
Join me here in these Permission Slips and let’s create moments of grace and well-being for ourselves. This energy will spill into the world and onto those we love and all of those whom we come into contact with across our lives, allowing our authentic selves to shine through.
Life isn’t about doing it perfectly, it’s about living it fully✨
XO Dr Tamy, Soul Surgeon
ps i love you
Thank you for reintroducing this beautiful, life-affirming space, Tamy. Your journey is inspiring in the most grounded and human way. I love how you turn everyday chaos and exhaustion into wisdom and gentleness.
I absolutely love this concept! We all need to give ourselves permission to prioritize what’s truly necessary, even if it feels like we’re asking for too much.